8 leaking over sixty gallons of blood in two wheel barrels

moving is quite an interesting experience. it's been three years. before that, it was every couple of years or so; all i know is that i've moved over eight times in my life. what i've noticed is that there is always so much useless junk i don't throw out- some are literally just pure useless where i don't know why i've even kept them for so long, but some others are useless items that hold significant memories or items that were given by old friends, especially those who were close but don't talk with anymore.

there are clothes from missions trips, bridge tournament, retreats, etc; journals and notes and cards from different stages in life; birthday presents and presents in general; even stuff from hk like my expired ID and subway card. many of these things are useless but it's hard to throw them out. it feels as if they are the proof of your experiences. it feels as if you were to throw them out, your experiences were never existent or they were fake. when no one else was there to validate them for you, only these items can hold such meaning.

i'm looking forward to when i'm old to look back at the past of right now and smile,... hopefully.

53 one way ticket is quite expensive, though makes sense

so latest news is that we're moving out of the place in flushing before this upcoming Saturday. cousin Sam already left for hk last night. it's quite a sad thought. almost feels like we're growing up. i'm sure he'll have a blast in Japan though. anyways, moving most of the stuff out on Thurs. prob move more stuff on Friday. it'll be quite the excitement. Probably going to temporarily stay at parent's place.

32 they said those casseroles are quite delicious

this world has become a bit too gray, and i speak not of dullness. perhaps people have been kinder, nicer, apologetic. we live in an age where we try not to offend anyone, where we tolerate injustice and readily "forgive." this modern age has such a twisted sense of grace and a distorted view of forgiveness. they tell me it's okay; it's not that bad; there's a middle road; there are gray areas. the world i used to live in was very black and white. at times, i prefer it to be that way.

58 she told me the act of my not shaving is offensive to society

what were we made for...? to know God. what aim should we set ourselves in life...? to know God. eternal life..., best thing in life..., brings most joy? to know God. there's this whole issue with knowing God versus knowing about God.

some say knowing God is like knowing another person, a friend or family or someone close to you. to some degree it's true, but it's so much more. to know something or someone depends on the complexity of the object that is being known. to know a cake is rather simple. look at the shape, size, color, ingredients, taste it and that's pretty much all there is to it. to know a horse is a bit more difficult but spend a day with it, know its habits and likes/dislikes and you're pretty much done. to know a person is tons more difficult as he may choose to lie to you or keep secrets from you and can easily change. therefore, to know God is every bit more complex and difficult. that is not to say it isn't worth th effort. just as the person can choose to not lie to you, what we know of God depends on what He chooses to reveal for us.

it's quite obvious the differences as well as God is Holy and perfect. He is so much higher and invisible.

84 it's five entries behind so i'll need one every day

when two or more gather... i'm getting more and more excited about prayer meetings. they tend to be a weird experience for me. nonetheless, i truly believe it is the primary place where God moves. that's how revolutions start. that's where revival begins. prayer is the sign of faith, the believing of the power and willingness of God. it's the desire of the heart to seek for more than one experiences and the humbleness of knowing we are nothing but dust, incapable beings. a church without praying men may very well not exist just as a christian man without prayer cannot possibly be of the faith.

98 the law of equivalent trade dominantly exists in the midst of grace

this morning was intense, partially due to a dream, partially due to my negativity and worries. i didn't want to ignore it and keep myself busy so i kept these thoughts whirling around in my mind longer. it literally felt like my mind was going to blow and i was going to end up going crazy. i believe it was the grace of God that sustained me.

perhaps the primary way to look at pain and suffering is as a sign of growth. i'd rather be put through difficulty and tire out and emotionally wracked than to stay stagnant and cluelessly stagnant. it's ironic how i always ask God to take away my pride, and I always get mad at Him when He does so. did i think that the extraction of my flesh would be pain-free and simple? clearly, the deeper my pride, the deeper the hurt.

running away from the pains and chaos in your mind and heart would simply create disaster. the importance is for Truth to enter in.

86 wow, haven't heard sonicflood for years; used to love them much

it's quite interesting to see the uniqueness of each fellowship. lots of pros and cons, generally more cons. but that's just the way i perceive things. i'm really grateful for all the leadership training they have at Willows Creek and elsewhere. it's crazy.

seriously...sonicflood is so good. don't like his voice too much though.

45 hypocritical deception

out of all the things, i don't even know why i blog of this. anyways, today i went to cooper after not being there for the past two months or so. went to computer center and stayed for like 1.5 hours. i've been to the city (mainly bobst) countless times over the summer already and it's been good. however, stepping foot in the cooper building and walking around and leaving the place, i felt so much like i was at home. it's quite weird, i didn't expect it. but i felt so at peace and reflective. that's pretty much it.