316 i've forgotten how to pray

Sometimes, when we look at our excuses, they seem ridiculous. Even if they are legitimate, there are other options to override them. We either don't look hard enough or we value the alternative over the thing we make excuses about. I know I've neglected and limited myself to going to events or meeting with people because of my leased car. I don't want to go over miles and hence, I won't initiate events where I'd have to drive much or I won't attend events that I'm on the fringe about. It's silly and sad because there are many things that are worth attending and participating in that I'm often on the fringe on.

God knows this and knew a simple yet unconventional cure. I turned in my first lease with more than 1000 miles left to drive. This meant I could've driven more. Now, being less than 2 years in, I am on track to exceed my mileage by a tremendous deal. It's somewhat silly to count meticulously. I'll just pay the overcharge when it comes and move on. Of course, I'm still mindful, but I'm beginning to learn to value relationships and other things more than money, money that fortunately, I can afford. Long entry for a silly reflection.

521. yellow butterflies in the eyes

It's often the easy things that are hard. In this case, I refer to writing. Writing is not "hard." Especially with computers nowadays, you can punch keys on a keyboard and letters pop up almost instantaneously. Yet, writing is actually hard. Thoughts may flow through my mind like ants around an ice cream scoop left on the sidewalk, but when I try to gather and scoop them up, it melts through the crevices between my fingers. 

Earlier in the year, I have set a non-accountable goal to blog two or three times a week. Currently, I'm averaging 0.375 posts per week. It's more of a "too lazy" than a "too busy" issue. I'm foolish to think that writing is simple. It's time and energy and concentration and more time. Yet, it's probably a skill I need to hone. I'm always jealous at how people can be so articulate, often times, spontaneously so. Some train at it and some are natural and it'd do me no good to vent. My job, if I so desire, is to practice. Time to reorient my goals for the twenty ninth time this year.