394. stealing your mind

It's easy to joke about age especially when you're young. But the older you grow, or the more you hang around elder folks, you start thinking how truly scary it is. It could be a simple cold or a minor soreness that you shrug off, but when you imagine it in your old age, it escalates to new heights. It affects your physique, emotions, concentration, energy, mentality, way more than you'd imagine. I'm not surprised why many turn to drugs (pills) for quick fixes. When you're sick, you just don't want to deal with it. Discipline helps- discipline in health and fitness and relying on other means of nutrients and vitamins. But at some point, the depravity of life still dominates over you, physically at least, a testimony to sin and the destructive power it holds.

80. the morning sky is filled with stars

Lots of stuff happen throughout the day but when it comes to sitting down to write, nothing. Finished a book and made breakthroughs with an art project and created more prototype samples of a product and many more, but nothing too intriguing to elaborate on at this moment. This happens quite a lot and becomes the reason why I fail to write. But this blog is meant specifically for trivial meaningless thoughts or ideas so I am here giving it a try.

As I considered the young adult fantasy novel I just finished, continuing manga that I follow weekly, a rare American TV show that I like, I ponder about one question, "What makes a story worthwhile for me?" Usually, it's plot twist, uniqueness, like-able or interesting characters, deep and philosophical, clever and witty, coherent. Don't know if one overrides the others. Ideally, all of those work together, but if anything, I suppose unique and interesting characters are priority. They pretty much make the plot, whatever the circumstances are. Some of my favorites are from Gintama and Durarara, though there are much more.

It makes me realize how in my life, it's not so much as the circumstance as it is the person, in this case, me. I have the freedom, the choice, to choose how to act and respond. Sure, my past and experiences and circumstances will affect and in some ways limit me, but at the end of the day, I can choose to be proactive and change. I can drive my circumstances (with humility acknowledging that ultimately it's God who's in control but yet has given me trust and freedom to limited control). Take advantage of that.

316 i've forgotten how to pray

Sometimes, when we look at our excuses, they seem ridiculous. Even if they are legitimate, there are other options to override them. We either don't look hard enough or we value the alternative over the thing we make excuses about. I know I've neglected and limited myself to going to events or meeting with people because of my leased car. I don't want to go over miles and hence, I won't initiate events where I'd have to drive much or I won't attend events that I'm on the fringe about. It's silly and sad because there are many things that are worth attending and participating in that I'm often on the fringe on.

God knows this and knew a simple yet unconventional cure. I turned in my first lease with more than 1000 miles left to drive. This meant I could've driven more. Now, being less than 2 years in, I am on track to exceed my mileage by a tremendous deal. It's somewhat silly to count meticulously. I'll just pay the overcharge when it comes and move on. Of course, I'm still mindful, but I'm beginning to learn to value relationships and other things more than money, money that fortunately, I can afford. Long entry for a silly reflection.