11 getting sliced on the leg with a knife in an unfair fight

it's incredibly beautiful this morning. haven't felt the coolness of the breeze for weeks maybe. it's weird- with beautiful days come beautiful sorrows. the urge to reflect on life takes over the mind and sadness arise- whether the memories were good or bad. perhaps it's the longing of the soul to relive these thoughts, knowing that they exist no more.

i just finished reading Full Metal Alchemist yesterday. I spent a great deal of time on it it's embarrassing. It was extremely good, lots better than the first anime that came out. full of great lessons but two main things i got was 1. the importance and excitement of chasing after a specific goal and 2. the importance and beauty of the friends around you, people you associate and come in contact with frequently in life. the world today is too big.

23 the man who poured powder on her head

i realize that sometimes i try to apply the Word directly into my life before i even meditate upon what it might be saying. i fall into the err of thinking that the areas i believe are stuggling with or dealing with or experiencing are the ones God wants to address to me. One must first read the Word for what it is and not quickly jump to assumptions. A passage that talks on anger and destruction may very well speak of love.

99 i was going to blog about china

From Joel Wickre from Blood:Water Mission:
People who are treated as helpless come to hold a lesser view of themselves. People who believe they are "blessed to be a blessing" and not in need themselves come to a lesser view of the people they serve. These victim and savior complexes create a co-dependency that perpetuates the problems of poverty and far outweighs any temporary relief such missions provide...Poor people understand that getting help requires appearing helpless, and rich people unwittingly advance the helplessness of those they serve by seeing them as objects of charity, not equals.

35 awaken to the sounds of the morning

i love how events just fall into place. it's as if God has each day prepared and designed beforehand. my daily dissatisfaction is not so much the lack of accomplishments or tasks fulfilled but the absence of beings to share with. i'm learning more and more the beauty and necessity of a healthy God-intended community. the tendency of oneself to live life alone is not of the Spirit. one can live life by oneself but he will never life live to the fullest in doing so. there are times when he may be put to the test and do so, but that period of time is not a lifestyle but simply a period of time.

48 redeeming time when men think least i will

this is not cool. it feels as if every night when i ponder at the turnout of my day, i feel i haven't accomplished much. i look at the clock that reads 11:45 and i wonder why it has already become so late. i think back and wonder what i've done all day. how does time pass by so quickly. where has it all gone? quite the mystery. it's quite the miserable feeling i must say. perhaps i didn't fulfill God's plans for me that day. i'm guessing it's also because i've been focused on accomplishing a secret project that definitely is a lot harder than i had imagined. so i end up spending lots of time on it but only accomplishing a small portion of it. oh wells. guess i'll just quicken up my pace and sacrifice quality. =).

55 kangaroo notebooks

one night i see the NBA finals- high-classed; tens of thousands of audiences excited and aroused, each team with their team jerseys, team shorts, team jackets, team warm-ups, team towels, team chairs; high-classed. then i watched a scene from documentary that showed of poverty and injustice during the war times, specifically wwII. peasants being hungry everyday, fathers trying to feed family, women getting raped and mistreated, young men getting killed. it seems like two separate worlds. one may say this is of the past, but it is very real even in today. it happens every day, every minute, every second of our lives. yet we block it out. we don't ponder it. we don't acknowledge it. in short, we run away. we are afraid we must do something if we think about it, learn about it. we run a lot. the same goes for our sins. we keep ourselves busy. we keep ourselves not needing to think.

ezekiel is a sick book.

96 reality still must be created

Confirmations are weird. sometimes i don't really get how they work. like when God calls you to do something, how can you be sure it's God. they say it has to match the Word, probably good to consult strong trusted believers, and perhaps signs. signs- they're the weird part. it really all depends on how a person interprets it. what one person perceives to be impossible and amazing, another can simply regard it as normal. i'm talking about vague signs here, as in the revelation of bible verses that kind of relates to the calling or numbers popping out of nowhere, perhaps even dreams. Clear signs such as how Rich Sterns became president of World Vision are cool, but i'm not sure if i see that in my everyday life. perhaps it's not an everyday thing and perhaps God hasn't called me to something as defined of a position or action. or perhaps my mind is full of unbelief, which i truly believe it's a good thing in many situations. i suppose that's how the world works.

49 humans are such foolish creatures

the question pops up once again- the one about Truth and lies, about reality and imagination. maybe it's because i watch too many animes. it's somewhat related to the theme of uncertainty, which was the theme of tecbc this past weekend, but it's much more than that. our past shapes who we are now, the emotions we feel, the way we react, the thoughts in our brain. most of the reason we do the things we do is because of what we believe and most of what we believe is because of what we experience (not simply physical experiences but even if we read a book or processed ideas).

so pretty much if we change our beliefs, we change our actions, perhaps even emotions. what about when we change our past? what if we reprogrammed our minds and alter our memories of the past? what if we reinvent stories of the past? only you would know what really happened, and even then, maybe you won't. it takes too much effort to validate the stories anyways and perhaps you won't even need it.

my thoughts of dramatic events are questioned and i often wondered whether it was actually real. why not reinvent scenes in life to add depth and interest? the validation of these scenes to me would be just as "real."