today was crazy nice weather, at least for those 10 minutes or so that i was outdoor. reminded me of the good old days that never existed but were in my mind regardless. they're like fake memories that became real. very precious stuff.
anyways, i was reminded to breathe. i've known it all along but simply ignored it. ignorance. it's a huge survival skill. i've realized more about this habit of mine. ignorance is generally bad- when a problem arises, most of the time, you can't just ignore it. that's like running away from reality, pretending nothing's up. but that's what we do at times, cause it's easier; it's less painful. i've noticed how i've often confused myself with ignorance and temporary ignorance. temporary ignorance is what i do a lot. there are so many things going on that i can't possibly be effective when there is an unresolved problem. that is why my brain selectively ignores the problem for the duration of solving another problem or action. after i finished whatever else, then i can start figuring out this initial problem again. i think in all the secularism of my thinking, i still believe that it's ultimately God watching over me and giving me peace through tough and stressful situations, clearing my mind of the unnecessary and filling it with creativity and focus, amongst other things.
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