356 this would've potentially be a nice entry but i've not got the time and energy to edit

two nights ago came a terrible storm that hit nyc. at the moment of the craziness, i simply sat in the comforts of cooper union room 104. i didn't realize magnitude until after it was over, after i came back home to queens. while i was indoors going through my normal routine, two feet diameter trees fell, (sn average of one tree per block), cars were knocked and jammed, slabs of grass and even sidewalks were ripped up, rooftops blown away, cables being torn, and much more.

the first thought from this was the thought of the chaos and poverty around the world. it reminded me of those who experience natural disasters all the time- hurricanes, earthquakes, droughts and floods. it happens everywhere, plenty of times. yet, we are so ignorant. it seems as if nothing is happening. we go through our daily routine and do not see magnitude and seriousness of the world around us. we simply live in the comforts of our home, as if what's around us is all fantasy or at least in another world.

955 choose to rejoice and praise my Lord

so a while back, even now, there are several things i do not understand why they happened. sometimes it feels like i'm disconnected with God because i do not know why things are happening to me. the rational is that if I'm close to God, He will grant me wisdom to know why things are the way they are, why these certain circumstances arises, etc. however, the wisdom of God is often not the explanation of the unknown and why certain things occur; it is the knowledge of what to do and how to proceed.

it got me to start thinking about how there are so many lies and ideas on the earth that often it's hard to distinguish what is truly real. nonetheless, the wisdom was helpful.

844 finding some worth in that new shiny thing

this was a day prior but it was one of those dreams. it felt more intense than previous though because the setting and everything was much more realistic. i don't recall much from it at all, but there was one thing i felt, or did not feel. sometimes i don't know if it's something mental or emotional but in that dream, i did not feel a bit of God's presence on this earth. for some reason, i was dead sure He did not exist. every part of me told me so. and that was crazy. once it dawned on me more and that there was nothing i can do about it, i was terrified. every bit of me was crying out for this to not be true.

perhaps this is what many people feel. and they've sooner or later grown used to it, adapted to it. they won't grow fully used to it but enough to not break down every so often. pride was their solution. warped minds and hardened hearts. perhaps this is the solution when one realizes there is no God. it's irrational though. one cannot be sure that there is no God. yet, one can experience the living God, similar to how one acknowledges that he has a family and friends and relationships. our God is very alive and real. it's a totally different story.