Human depravity- it's a sad thing. I realized the more I've gotten to know people now, the more I value and seek to deepen my relationship with them. As C.S. Lewis puts it, it's not that our love for people to is so great, it's that our love for God is too small. Our love for people is too big in comparison to our love for God, but that just points to how small our love for God really is. I've noticed I stopped yearning to seek after His face, His beauty, His glory. I'm mindful of it, but I don't truly seek after it, partially consumed with the busy-ness of every day. But what is life if God not be the center of it all?
The many updates much shortened:
--research has picked up a bit and school is general is approaching finals and final projects. been a very hectic week and still more to come.
--lost in second round of playoffs for AIV co-ed volleyball but absolutely loved seeing people on our team get so much better at vball.
--went back home to ny for easter sunday cause sister got baptized! got to know about her faith a bit more and caught up with several people including my brother and parents.
--past saturday was baptism at hmcc and absolutely blown away by the 13 testimonies (i missed my flight to ny partially because of this. hehe.)
--last night was grad night at hmcc (and senior send off at aiv which i missed) with 37 graduating seniors and grad student as well as a few performances by other undergrads. also absolutely blown away by those 37 testimonies (i only stayed for prob 25 maybe) pointing to our human depravity and the greatness and goodness and grace of God.
Random dreams:
--I was Harry Potter.
--It's Thursday morning and Max told me he has a wedding on Saturday and that the rehearsal was tonight. He calls me later on the night and told me he got drunk so rehearsal was Friday night instead.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
u. day 195 pi day
Lots have certainly happened since my last post. To summarize, research has been hectic, especially over Spring Break and even the past weekend. I found myself dreading and worrying about the need to get things done or figure out how to solve the problems of why the experiment is not working and how to go about it. along with that, I actually feel lost in my classes while I feel as if all the other students know their stuff, mainly because most of them had a strong mse background. With the departure of friends going off to vacation and the absence of people on campus, spring break was just tough not just physically and mentally from all the research stuff, but emotionally as well.
But perhaps this is where I exactly need to be. I realized so much about myself throughout this time- my thoughts, my impatience, my selfishness, my pride, my insecurities, my weak-willed spirit. For example, I would tell people how I spend all day in lab and things don't work well and it's tough and dreary and challenging. And all this is not "wrong" or "bad" per say, but I realize how much pride was associated with simply letting people know. It's as if i'm saying to them, "look at me, look how hard i work, see that i'm doing important things, facing great challenges," half expected praise and half expecting pity.
But it is here and then where I realized the depravity of humankind, my weakness in the flesh. It is here and then, in the little things, in the subtlety of the events I participate in, where I realize my need for Jesus every day, every moment of it. I think it is only through opening our eyes to the hidden sins in our lives where we really begin to yearn for Jesus.
But perhaps this is where I exactly need to be. I realized so much about myself throughout this time- my thoughts, my impatience, my selfishness, my pride, my insecurities, my weak-willed spirit. For example, I would tell people how I spend all day in lab and things don't work well and it's tough and dreary and challenging. And all this is not "wrong" or "bad" per say, but I realize how much pride was associated with simply letting people know. It's as if i'm saying to them, "look at me, look how hard i work, see that i'm doing important things, facing great challenges," half expected praise and half expecting pity.
But it is here and then where I realized the depravity of humankind, my weakness in the flesh. It is here and then, in the little things, in the subtlety of the events I participate in, where I realize my need for Jesus every day, every moment of it. I think it is only through opening our eyes to the hidden sins in our lives where we really begin to yearn for Jesus.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
t. day 174 sacrifice
It's day One of the Lenten season. I was really challenged to look into what the word "sacrifice" means, what it looks like to lay down my life for others. (http://blog.worldvisionacts.org/2012/02/sacrifice/) As Jonathan Walton describes, here in this season, we're giving up one or two or several things but there's so much more to that. Jesus didn't just give us one aspect of himself. He gave up EVERYTHING for us, his glory, his status, his comfort, giving us FULL joy, peace, love. It cost him dearly but the beauty and purpose in all this was worth it. Likewise, we ought to give all of ourselves to Him.
As I explore more in depth of what sacrifice means and look like, a full sacrifice, here are some things i'm giving up/picking up for these 40+ days:
1. chocolate and candy (my default every lent season cause though it's not horrifically challenging, it still serves as a reminder for me of this lent season and what it's about)
2. buying things aside from food, and presents for friends (i realize how much money i spend on myself and how often i buy stuff whether it be electronics or books or random things.
3. following through World Vision acts' challenges and exploring the meaning of sacrifice with them!
4. fasting from one meal a week (with aiv small group)
I might add on more as I usually do as the days go by. It might look as if it were an exhaustive list of do's and dont's but i really believe each serves its own purpose and that i'll grow much from it. At that end of the day, it's all about the desire to meet God and surrender/humble ourselves so that I may hear from Him better.
As I explore more in depth of what sacrifice means and look like, a full sacrifice, here are some things i'm giving up/picking up for these 40+ days:
1. chocolate and candy (my default every lent season cause though it's not horrifically challenging, it still serves as a reminder for me of this lent season and what it's about)
2. buying things aside from food, and presents for friends (i realize how much money i spend on myself and how often i buy stuff whether it be electronics or books or random things.
3. following through World Vision acts' challenges and exploring the meaning of sacrifice with them!
4. fasting from one meal a week (with aiv small group)
I might add on more as I usually do as the days go by. It might look as if it were an exhaustive list of do's and dont's but i really believe each serves its own purpose and that i'll grow much from it. At that end of the day, it's all about the desire to meet God and surrender/humble ourselves so that I may hear from Him better.
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