u. day 195 pi day

Lots have certainly happened since my last post. To summarize, research has been hectic, especially over Spring Break and even the past weekend. I found myself dreading and worrying about the need to get things done or figure out how to solve the problems of why the experiment is not working and how to go about it. along with that, I actually feel lost in my classes while I feel as if all the other students know their stuff, mainly because most of them had a strong mse background. With the departure of friends going off to vacation and the absence of people on campus, spring break was just tough not just physically and mentally from all the research stuff, but emotionally as well.

But perhaps this is where I exactly need to be. I realized so much about myself throughout this time- my thoughts, my impatience, my selfishness, my pride, my insecurities, my weak-willed spirit. For example, I would tell people how I spend all day in lab and things don't work well and it's tough and dreary and challenging. And all this is not "wrong" or "bad" per say, but I realize how much pride was associated with simply letting people know. It's as if i'm saying to them, "look at me, look how hard i work, see that i'm doing important things, facing great challenges," half expected praise and half expecting pity.

But it is here and then where I realized the depravity of humankind, my weakness in the flesh. It is here and then, in the little things, in the subtlety of the events I participate in, where I realize my need for Jesus every day, every moment of it. I think it is only through opening our eyes to the hidden sins in our lives where we really begin to yearn for Jesus.

t. day 174 sacrifice

It's day One of the Lenten season. I was really challenged to look into what the word "sacrifice" means, what it looks like to lay down my life for others. (http://blog.worldvisionacts.org/2012/02/sacrifice/) As Jonathan Walton describes, here in this season, we're giving up one or two or several things but there's so much more to that. Jesus didn't just give us one aspect of himself. He gave up EVERYTHING for us, his glory, his status, his comfort, giving us FULL joy, peace, love. It cost him dearly but the beauty and purpose in all this was worth it. Likewise, we ought to give all of ourselves to Him.

As I explore more in depth of what sacrifice means and look like, a full sacrifice, here are some things i'm giving up/picking up for these 40+ days:
1. chocolate and candy (my default every lent season cause though it's not horrifically challenging, it still serves as a reminder for me of this lent season and what it's about)
2. buying things aside from food, and presents for friends (i realize how much money i spend on myself and how often i buy stuff whether it be electronics or books or random things.
3. following through World Vision acts' challenges and exploring the meaning of sacrifice with them!
4. fasting from one meal a week (with aiv small group)

I might add on more as I usually do as the days go by. It might look as if it were an exhaustive list of do's and dont's but i really believe each serves its own purpose and that i'll grow much from it. At that end of the day, it's all about the desire to meet God and surrender/humble ourselves so that I may hear from Him better.

s. day 155 the image of God

It might be a crime not to share. It's incredible what God's been doing in the lives of my fellow brothers and sisters at AIV. I had an immensely blessed opportunity to plan and lead with the new students (mainly freshmen) for large group tonight with the theme of "Upping the Ante," basically, challenging our personal relationships with God to a new level.

I can't begin to describe the excellence in the openness and talents of the freshmen class. To be short, I was extremely blessed by the testimonies shared and the creativity elements of games, tshirts and video, as well as the community of people to participate.

my heart is at a wreck for I absolutely love these people but I'm wrestling with how I can serve them and guide them in their walks with Christ as I'm growing myself. I don't believe my ministry is in aiv but i certainly desire to see them prosper. i tell myself to see how things play out and let it be. yet, i don't know if that's the wisest of decisions.

Updates on life:
-tuteja research group has been going slow, which I guess is okay. not doing much in lab cause the person i work under isn't too organized with what he wants me to do.
-imago dei conference was great. certainly blessed to hear short testimonies and identify with the asian culture as well as getting to know people in aiv better.
-got to admit that school's a bit tougher, maybe cause i don't have the motivation to study as well. picking it back up slightly recently.