cc. day 489 at victors awaiting a friend who is super late and i have no idea what is up.

Came back on this blog just to check on my oscar wilde quote. Some boring updates just to help me keep track of my day counting.

--In midst of applying for jobs, hopefully near Ann Arbor, MI area, focused on Materials Science Engineering related to polymers, surface, coatings, consumer products, probably in the quality control and manufacturing positions.
--Professor said he'll be funding me though still lots of slowness in getting that started up. Hence, no classes for the semester.
--This semester feels extremely different, probably because of job search. Trying my best to connect with people as much as possible.
--AIV started an Oxford (a dorm that's further away from campus) small group in hopes to reach the lost there, which I'm part of. Interesting stuff. Love the people there thus far, though hope to see more new people.
--Stopped going to Life Group with Harvest (hmcc) because it conflicted with oxford sg. still attending HMCC on sundays but probably will go to Knox Presbyterian Church once in a while.
--Reading books as usual- currently Radical by David Platt is the main one, but a few others too.
--Brother's wedding in March coming up. haven't prepared much for it yet but hopefully in due time.

bb. day 461 what's wright or rong

Maybe good can exist without evil. Just like being satisfied but still wanting more. Yet, mercy requires injustice. Forgiveness requires a fault. I'll leave that thought as it is.

Updates on life (not in any order really):

1. Will be graduating in May 2013.

2. No need to take anymore classes but still doing research next semester. Hope to get two papers out though I really don't know- one collab, one my own. Hence, research a bit more hectic.

3. Still looking for jobs, hopefully near AA, but possibly near NY or anywhere in the US.

4. In NYC from 12/21 to 1/3. No Urbana for me.

5. Didn't get into any GSI positions so hopefully professor funds me. 

aa. day 315 if i had a couple million dollars

just got back from ny. my thoughts on it, it was a good thought. my real thoughts on it, it shall be publicly hidden for the time being.

many ppl have asked me how my research is. i always tell them it's alright, somewhat frustrating but not too bad. in reality, it kind of sucks. any progress i make is minuscule and takes too long/detail of an explanation. Setbacks and things that just don't work well is what i constantly face, the negativity far outweighs the positivism. part of me has secretly given up. i realize i spend so much of the day not doing actual research, mainly because i'm at a loss on how to proceed or the samples are not ready to be used or things i'm not able to obtain without the assistance of another individual. and it naturally feeds into laziness and lack of motivation. it feels as if other ppl's projects in the lab are more tangible and makes more sense and easier to get decent results. 

i wonder sometimes if this is how ppl view life, in this way, where failure is all they see. the plethora of negativity far outweighing any slivers of good. but even worse so, all around them, people are either doing really well or at least better than how they're doing. it must be a sad way of life.

this was an entry that should have belonged in my actual journal but as i reflected on why this blog was called fragments of imperfections, i realize how little i talk about my complaints and frustrations, which readily ties into my weakness.