30 I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time

a quote from Blaise Pascal

it is january thirtieth, a day which bears no significance as compared to any other day. yet, this is a day where i write. this is a day where my mind is afresh, at least a bit more than usual. i shall live to bear witness. i shall write to further bear witness. yet, i can only bear witness if I have seen His works. i can only testify if He has shown me who He is. It is not simply because the Scriptures say so, not simply because clergymen say so. It is simply and perhaps purely because He dwells in me. the question therefore is, has He?

34 it's just one of many

[[[ Just after midnight, when many of her neighbors were enjoying their sleep, Priscilla Kahang’u was wide awake, wondering whether her 2-year-old daughter, Comfort Shindani, would have a chance to see the sun that morning.

By 8:00 a.m., Comfort’s health had deteriorated even further. “My daughter was very ill and I was wondering…what to do,” says Priscilla, 20. “I was afraid my child was going to die…she was experiencing shortness of breath, constant coughs, and failure to breastfeed.”

-an article from World Vision ]]]

i forget how powerful stories can be. i've been reminded of the poor at times, but i haven't truly put myself in their shoes much lately. it's a whole new level when i imagine their situation as if it were my own, as if that baby was my own. she's my sister. how do i not acknowledge that? i often get through my day indulging in my own comfort. it's terrible. i think i'm drunk. need to rehab.

42 tis a beautiful morning even with the drizzling

um. i should hav of written this yestermaday. dis vil be da most stranngest of words used. i did not want to make dis entry proper. anyways, i quit spades. the yahoo one at least. whether i keep my promise or not, who knows. but as of now. please.

16 love shall always remain

humbleness.

i am reminded of how often i neglect the poor. i talk of vision, of changes, of revolution perhaps. but i neglect washing dishes. i forget those who are abducted, who are sold, who are abused and violated, who are freezing, who are hungry and hopeless with stomaches that torment their sleep, who are dying of thirst with no saliva to scream- my brothers and my sisters.

i live my life here in America. selfish as can be. drugged in my own comfort. not remembering them in my prayers. not taking action whether it be advocating change or donating or sacrificing by the careful spending of money. this is what i call a tragedy. a failure as a human being maybe. this is why i need the Lord.

then again, it's always about change. about character transformation. not about dwelling on the past.

46 divide by ten times a billion equals the estimated age of the earth by many scientists

there are tons i'd love to write about but this would suffice for today.

people in America believe in God; people in Africa depend on God.

i would like to disagree with the first part of the quote but it matters not. the idea is that we should depend on God every day of our lives. people in Africa depend on God for survival- for warmth, food, water, protection from diseases/disasters, security and safety. we, in America, often don't have the "need" to depend on God. perhaps that's why we're so stagnant. we don't have as much of a desire to pursue God. there simply is "no need." ...or is there?

i've been praying a lot more recently. sometimes, i still drift in my thoughts and get carried away because focusing on prayer can be hard. nonetheless, i committed to spending a good portion of my morning devoted solely to prayer. i seek God because i need Him. i need Him to build me up as a leader, to be present in my school and my classmates, to open up opportunities daily and for boldness to share the Good News, to rest assured that He is protecting and caring for those whom i love (whether they went far away or are close-by home), to know that He is comforting those whom i love when they are hurt or abandoned or hopeless. i understand my own words of comfort or explanations are cheap compared to the power of the Holy Spirit. i need Him because i realize more and more areas in my life that are sinful, areas in my life where I am selfish and unloving. i see the hurt of those whom i love and my own. i see the inadequacies of my actions. i see the grandness and beauty of the King. this is why i pray. this i why i depend on God.

24 clap for the purpose that is greater than us

even half of perfection requires full cooperation. make no excuses whatsoever. no even one, nor half. just do. or don't do.

87 easy win for the black spades

to suffer one abominable day may be regarded as a misfortune; to suffer twice in a row looks like carelessness. there's got to be some alterations. this is not the type with pretty rainbows and written words. i suppose it is purely believing and action taking. then again, it can simply be looking, which i guess really is believing.

12 the month of insanity

the things i learned from walking in the cold:
1. there needs to be purpose
2. environment plays a much larger role

there's purpose in every story. every good story. what makes a story great is not only about the gravity of conflict but the density of purpose. why does the character want what he wants? the greater the purpose, the greater the story.

external conflict is exciting. it drives the story. without it, there will be no risks. there will be no story. internal conflict is huge. it's deep. it's important. it's unseen to others. characters struggle with themselves. however, an even more invisible wall is the environment. the setting of the character. it limits the characters motions and messes with his mind. it provide subtle blessings the character takes for granted and invites resistance to ruin his purpose. never underestimate. it's not just character transformation but the restoration of the environment.