Tuesday, August 10, 2010

448 it's easy to confused being idealistic from optimistic in midst of reality; i've always thought i was the latter but i'm not too sure anymore

envy. i've noticed perhaps that one of my biggest, most current, sin would envy. most times, it's hard to trust God with my life, my career, my relationships, all that. i envy at others with a guided career, others who are well off financially (which is ironic since i get full scholarship, yet i still take out loans so i'll be in debt), others who have jobs or at least interns (really really wanted one though i suppose it wasn't God's plan for me this summer or He wanted to test me or i'm just not liked by the world), others who have good relations with family (though i do not necessarily personally desire it to a strong desire, i truly believe that this is what God intends for every family so therefore, i try my best to desire it), others who have better basketball skills, others who study harder than i do, others who easily gets their way such as looking for apartments, others who just have anything better or more than i do.

i never thought i'd be so envious but at least i realize it more. i'll just need to get better and beat everyone else at basketball and making money and taking their jobs. i joke. all about trust... and working hard... but moreso trust.

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