p. day 122 dozen and half eggs with full bread and a gallon of milk

It's my last full day here at Ann Arbor for the semester. Don't worry, I'm not going to bore you with my semester reflection for it will take many pages to write. My last final was Tuesday night so I had W, Th, and F (today) all free. It's awesome to relax peacefully and to have time to pursue my other tasks and pleasures in life- to read and digest, learning about prayer and trying my best to put it into action though i've failed countless times, work on venus' present, sit back and enjoy some manga (though perhaps too excessively), to write more, organize my thoughts more, etc.

New York starts tomorrow (12/24) and ends briefly (1/3).

o. day 109 a month's planning

Classes are almost over. Just got through a tough academic week, which was stressful but enjoyable. Excited to finish, relax, then go back home. Only problem is that I can't find any records of my previously ordered plane ticket so I might have to book a new one or find a driver. No idea.

Highlights:
--getting slightly better at guitar.
--spent mad little money on food for November.
--Christmas Banquet with AIV was awesome. Met a good bunch of people too.
--developed new projects to work on

Today looks like:
-------Wake (includes qt, shower, and all that)
--Bball (with aiv ppl, prob last time of semester, or second to last)
-------Chill/Maybe do some hw (doubtful but possibly)
--Go watch baptism (two ppl from my life group and other the Harvest people)
--Dinner with life group (extremely excited to eat out cause i don't do so often)
--Vball (aiv and Harvest undergrads)
-------Chill/Maybe do some hw or more likely, sleep

n. day 93 prayer, finding the heart's true home

i've been a poor steward of my time lately as i spent a good chunk of time yesterday doing what my friend Yushen would coin as "foolishness" in watching lots of cantonese movies. they all had a central theme of a love story like nearly every movie in the world. i've certainly picked up many stuff from these movies, but one that stood out was how love takes courage, perhaps something which i lack.

misfortunes of this week:
--broke my glasses while playing bball this past sat morning so i'm using my spare, which has scratched up lens.
--went all-you-can-bowl bowling two nights ago with my life group which was really fun but now my right arm is quite fatigued.
--broke my really comfortable pair of slippers yesterday.
--tried looking for my adv thermo professor this whole week but either he was busy or not in office. sent an email to make appointment too but he never replied.

highlights of this week:
--thanksgiving dinner at hmcc tonight! (some friends from mse are coming too)
--vball tourney this saturday with some aiv ppl!
--more time to study!

m. day 84`give myself away

Compelling was this past weekend at a hotel at Michigan State University. I enjoyed it for the most part. To be brief, I shall only share one thing I learned, or rather, one thing I believed more strongly. I was struck by the idea of how perhaps God's Sovereignty is tied to human prayers. Now, this is not because we have the power to control Him or anything, but it is because He chose to effect change on the earth this way. One of the common mentalities in prayer is that God is sovereign and all-powerful and He will do whatever He needs regardless of whether we take action or whether we pray or not. While this is still true of certain cases, the crazy thing is how He lets us affect the way He moves- that unless we pray, He won't take action. In this way, it actually brings Him more glory in the end for He uses imperfect, sinful, weak human beings to effect change on this earth. There's certainly more to prayer than this but I thought it was such an absurd yet beautiful thought, of how God uses the imperfect to accomplish His works for glory's sake and for love's sake, that we may be part of His story.

Actions taken/to take this week:
--started reading A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller again (really really good as with his other books)
--bought several books on prayer and wish to immerse myself with stories and mindset of prayer
--lots of work to catch up since I didn't do any this past weekend though it should be manageable
--trying to hang with or keep in connection with more people from aiv on a more consistent basis. chilling with Chris Chou for a little bit later on today.

l. day 76 another day of adventure seeking

The happiness of man hangs not on the enjoyment of life but on the fulfillment of his purpose. It's not to say one cannot enjoy life while carrying out his task, but to say that the aim of one is not to seek enjoyment and comfort and security. It's to take risks, experience failure, and be transformed into a more perfect being.

It was saturday of this weekend. Morning consisted of playing bball with asian iv people, afternoon was hanging out and watching my first UMich football game (we lost) at friend's place, then back home to get some hw done and eat, then volleyball with more friends from aiv and harvest. All were extremely enjoyable. But as I lied (laid?) in bed that night, I begin to feel a sense of emptiness. Perhaps it's because I haven't made a life breathed easier that day.

Highlights:
--found out two of my roommates, both white, watch anime. (???) had no idea. They were even watching Darker than Black, which is one of the really good anime that isn't too popular. (one actually went to an anime convention this weekend.)
--compelling (iv retreat) is this upcoming weekend so i'm quite excited.

k. day 73 so many classics to read

So tonight was the Veritas Forum. I didn't think it was particular good but I'm glad for the chance to invite my roommate and a colleague to come with me. I was a bit worried cause I had to engage both of them rather separately since one's a grad student and the other an underclassmen and both didn't know anyone else there. It turned out pretty fine and flourished some talk on religion. Both of them seem eager to get plugged into a church so I'm hoping strongly for that.

Anyways, it's Venus' birthday today but I don't think she reads this so whatever. Just thought I'd put it out there anyways. I started up working on her extremely late birthday present again and it's still quite a challenge but i've got more of a direction and will to advance in it. Still pessimistic about the outcome but whatever.

j. day 67 never realized how good Aladdin was

Sadly no basketball this morning, but volleyball later on tonight. Anyways, I don't know why my midterms seem extra hard this year. I've looked at old exams and they were understandable and doable but all the ones I've had thus far felt different. Oh wells. I feel like I'm learning tons when I'm studying so that's a plus. Crazy stuff, the midterm I took on tues, he gave back thurs. Didn't do as bad as I expected but still not what I desired. Then again, grades aren't everything.

Cooper people are at Big Event right now. Really excited for them. Hope to hear awesome testimonies not simply about Big Event but about what happens in school after. Compelling (Michigan's equivalent to Big Event) will be in two weeks. I'm mad excited for that too. Then, there's Veritas forum next week at UMich, which I've seen a few youtube videos but never experienced one.

I feel like there wasn't much substantial stuff in this entry but oh wells. Just normal blogging I suppose. Here's one random interesting thing: I feel like i haven't been really hungry for a long time. There's always food around so I can easily eat- whether it be full meals or just pop tarts or cereal bars and cereals or ramen or chocolates or cookies. I suppose it's good and bad.

i. day 63 random occurrences tells a tale

The art of writing is quite a relief to have, not just so that you can distinctly express your thoughts and emotions and bring them to life instead of hiding them in the back of your mind where no one can testify to their existence, but because you start to see things more in an objective point of view, a bigger picture.

To see your own life unfold in a manner as if you were not the one living it is quite an experience. You start to wonder why you fear the things you fear or even do the things you do. What if our lives were like any other stories we read in books or see in movies?

Updates on the week:
--two midterms this week (took one today- one of my hardest class)
--another midterm next week
--played bball and vball on the weekends as usual

h. day 55 no way it's been over a month since my last entry

what is the point of prayer? it's true that there are times when things happen whether we have prayed it or not. yet, i believe there are times that things don't happen when we don't pray, even though God has His plans for His people. Certainly, He can still go about doing what He needs, regardless of our prayers. However, our prayers do cause Him to move or not move, not that He depends on our prayers but that He allows it to affect Him.

however, it is when we ask questions like these, where it reveals our hearts and our lack of understanding of the Christian-life. perhaps questions like these are really unimportant. we first pray because we love God. we want to converse. it is never about getting or receiving. even in the midst of struggles and pains, our prayer is one of God please help me not necessarily in overcoming our struggles and pains but for Him to be with us in the midst of them.

highlights of the week:
-tough week due to presentation, peer review assignment, midterm and several homeworks. still managed to go to life group and iv sg and was blessed by them.
-met with alex from life group to talk and it was highly encouraging.
-went to asian iv lock-in at Knox Presbyterian Church and had a fun time fellowshipping and getting to know others (played lots of ball).
-played lots of vball at ccrb (central campus gym) with asian iv ppl.
-played a bunch of games including chinese bang (sang guo sha), speed and steal scrabble, and clue.
-studied a short amount but still better than nothing.
-miss cheap thai food but burritos (chipotle and qdoba, maybe others) are at least $1 cheaper here than in ny.

g. day 39 the beauty that cannot be described

Today...the air, the chillness, the after-rain...it was beautiful.

f. day 32 the eternal inner murmur

So 4 classes and 2 fellowships, mainly describes the how i spend most of my time, perhaps all my time. Classes involve hw and studying and projects. Fellowships involve sg, lg, church, outreach and random hangouts. Certainly getting to know people more now though so that's cool.

Anyways, something I realized this week was my earthly desire to seek the approval of man. I was hit upon the question of whether heaven excites me or not and to be honest, not really. To keep it short, I pondered why this was the case and realized that I still wish to accomplish something great on this earth- something that will give myself glory- inventing something revolutionary, design something cool, do well in school so others look up to me, etc, not necessarily in a large scale but amongst a decent crowd, this desire to impress and prove my worth. Yet, i'm reminded time and time that my identity rests in Christ. sometimes, it's hard to see, and when we see, to accept.

e. day 27 fifty word literature

so i started a new blog on tumblr, which i agree with yang that it's confusing to use. still have problems with the layout and all but sticking with it for now. (http://fiftywordstory.tumblr.com/)

anyways, school's kicked in quite a bit more now. it's certainly getting more intense, especially the one class that I like most (the one that i am not required to take). started to motivate myself to work hard and to learn more about mat sci outside of what i'm taught in my classes. grad school is for learning after all, and research is more important i'd say, than classes. want to figure out what field i want to do research in as soon as possible and learn all i can so that i can approach professors with more credibility. can't get caught up with getting A+ in class, though i'd love to do so.

d. day 22 ambition

So I went to HMCC's life group (essential a small group, except with 20ish people) last night and was seriously blessed. Our theme for the semester was something along the lines of "expecting the extraordinary." When was the last time you woke up in the morning expected something great to happen? How can our lives be anything less of extraordinary when we live it out for God? Do our lives really look different from the lives of other people on campus? Extraordinarily so?

Our vision was along the lines of "living as a biblical community," and it's crazy how much last night reminded me of the early church in Acts. Leaders were great, members were excited to see each other and interested in getting to know others, there was food, a home-y environment, creativity, etc. I was very amazed. It's humbling to see God place me in such an environment of growth where I can truly say that it's all Him who's working and teaching and lifting me up and nothing on my part, no leadership or talents or dedication or righteousness.

It's crazy cause the theme relates to the book I JUST started reading called 'The Slumber of Christianity' by Ted Dekker, talking about how Christians have settled for less than what God intended. No one thinks about heaven with excitement anymore. Everyone's motto has become, "life sucks, and then we die." We take in earthly pleasures as if they're the best thing on earth and we stop longing for greater things.

I need to start doing some homework now.

c. day 19 what i ate for dinner

UMich experience has certainly been wonderful. Still bothered by the fact that i'm taking out mad loans. Still in midst of making sure everything is good in terms of requirements, doing well, applying for positions, meeting faculty, getting my priviledges, keeping count of how many pages i print, etc. Still in midst of meeting people and building relationships and finding time and energy to invite others to fellowship or whatnot. Time.

highlights of the week:
-had a taste of all four grad MSE classes. like 2 of the professors a lot and the other 2 are alright. classes seem pretty intense so i'm a tad worried. also, schedule sucks.
-applied to be research assistant to make some money. quite busy and weird schedule so not sure if it's good for me.
-got my pair of boots in the mail.
-internet's been terrible, well more of my computer's fault i believe...have no idea why and not sure how i'll get it fixed.
-went to aivcf (i've been so used to saying aacf it's weird) for sg and lg. met some cool people. apparently, the first iv chapter was started at umich.
-went to Knox Presbyterian Church today. a lot different to Redeemer than i thought it'd be. i miss Redeemer. oh wells.
-crazy excitign football game last night with umich winning at the last 2 seconds. i didn't watch it, but heard much about it.

b. day 14 first day of school

taking four grad mat sci engg classes- intro to mat sci, materials chemistry, adv thermo, and material structures. tempted to take more but decided to hold back, especially as it is the first semester.

had two of my classes today. materials chemistry was great. loved the professor and the way it was taught. good slides too. excited for the semester. textbooks are expensive though.

classes everyday- MTuWThF 10-11:30, TuTh 1:30-3, MW 3-4:30.
sg- Tu 7 pm (hmcc), W 7 pm (aivcf)

a. day 13 here at ann arbor

It's Labor Day and school starts tomorrow. I've forgotten what it felt like to not know anyone and to make new friends in the midst of not knowing anyone, until this past week. I find blessing in this for I can better identify with those who are new to a fellowship or to a church or to any kind of organization. I only wish I do not forget this.

Highlights so far:
--all three roommates are white and from Michigan, one is 5th year, a 3rd year, and a transfer freshmen (who's probably the same age as a third year).
--three orientations where I got good info on the school and everything (madonna and lucy lui attended umich, as well as the co-founder of google and a lead engineer in ipod)
--walked around north and central campuses quite a lot (i live in north campus and central is a 40 minute walk)
--played bball and vball and the NCRB, rec center which is less than a block from where I live.
--found out there's a cube, identical to the one on Astor Place, near a building called the Michigan Union
--met ppl from IV GCF (grad) and AIVCF (asian) at a BBQ event
--went to New Life Church and First Presbyterian Church
--went to Harvest Missions Community Church and was blown away by the excellence in which they run services and the quality in their welcoming. praise was great, media team was great, sermon was great. plugging ppl into community and making them feel welcomed was great.

I tried my best to be brief but it's been 13 days since i've arrived.

841 the condition of the soul

i was once again reminded how idleness, how stagnant-ness is not neutrality. there is no neutral ground. it's either for or against. it's quite annoying to think about because it's tons easier to side with darkness. it'a tons easier to unconsciously side with darkness as well. but once you jump back and reconsider everything, the light is the only place one can go. it's the only place that makes sense in light of not making sense. it's the only place worth pursuing, has meaning, and see the world more clearly. it's the only place where one finds love.



darkness swirls around me,
laughing wicked thoughts,
clawing at my feet.it's so easy to slip
when i'm living this close
to the escarpment of hell.

o lord of life,
draw me closer to the light!
let love become the language
of my heart once again.

translation.

-Steven James in Story, Chapter Venom.

422 there was a time when men were not controlled by the hours and minutes of a clock

unrelated quote: If I'm worth dying for; Yes, this God's worth living for.

As I'm watching some adults play soccer at a field in the park, I was reminded of how fun life can be- all the running and jumping, even diving and falling. It brings me back to when I was a kid, unconstrained by the world and its judging eyes, unrestrained by the laws of man and the demands of respect and decency. just free. innocent. enjoyment. Spring has such nice weather.

112 tears of an uneducated man

decisions are quite scary. undergrad decision was quite easy. grad decision, not so much. regardless, i'll need my knees.

86 forty eight million hundred thousand six nine

It's a crazy world out here. But I supposed that's exactly where He wanted to place me.

201 maybe i should pick up cooking or baking as a hobby

i realize how much i love excellence. sometimes, i wonder how fate clashes with passion and hard work. for one, i certainly am blessed to be athletic. i do like volleyball more than other sports, though basketball comes really close. yet, i feel like circumstances do not open up for me to excel in volleyball. i have certainly thought about pursuing it regardless but that means i must sacrifice my time and energy on something else. Yet everything else is important to me. i don't see the trade-off being beneficial to society. hence, i do not strive as hard. i still wonder that's wise or not. for the time being, it seems to be so.

120 nine hours at bobst might be an all time record for me though i might be wrong

It's intriguing how one longs to be known and understood but yet hides himself away. sometimes, i wonder whether he does a good job or if people just do not care enough. one must wonder at how much God wants us to know Him yet He cannot be known fully.